NUÔI CON MỘT MÌNH – VIẾT TẶNG 20/10

Sáng nay lướt facebook tình cờ mình thấy post của một người “mẹ bỉm sữa” than vãn về việc chồng không chịu ngủ chung sau khi bạn ấy sinh con.

Một mình bạn chăm đứa lớn 3 tuổi và đứa nhỏ quấy khóc triền miên, vừa stress, vừa cô đơn, nhưng bạn chỉ tủi thân chứ không trách hay chửi chồng vì bạn biết rằng “công việc của chồng làm cần đầu óc tỉnh táo, nên phải ngủ đủ giấc”. Còn người chồng bạn yêu thương vì sợ giấc ngủ của mình không tròn mà sẵn sàng bỏ lại sau lưng vợ hiền, con nheo nhóc, mở một cánh cửa khác ra, chìm trong một giấc mộng đẹp được đánh đổi bằng một đêm vật lộn mất ngủ của vợ mình.

Nghe thì thấy dã man chứ những việc tương tự như vậy mình thấy nhiều, có những ông chồng miệng oang oang yêu vợ nhưng 9 tháng thai kỳ không một lần rảnh để đưa vợ đi khám thai, ngày vợ quằn quại trên bàn sanh vẫn bận rộn nốt ván game hay ngủ trưa cho đẫy giấc rồi mới đến bệnh viện.

Nhưng nếu muốn mình nói lỗi lầm của những sự việc đó là do ai, thì muôn lần mình vẫn luôn khẳng định đó là lỗi của những người phụ nữ. Họ được (hay là bị) đối xử như thế nào, là vì họ đã cho phép người khác đối xử với họ như thế ấy. Bạn bị chà đạp, là bởi vì bạn đã cúi đầu.

Hãy ngồi nhớ lại xem thời còn độc thân bạn đã sung sướng thong dong đến mức nào? Cuộc sống thật là tự do tự tại, bố mẹ nâng niu, bạn bè yêu mến, cuộc sống đầy năng lượng tích cực. Và đùng! Ai đã tiêm vào đầu bạn cái tư tưởng yêu là phải hy sinh, làm vợ là phải vun vén một cách hèn mọn, đẻ đái là phải bù xù bẩn thỉu, phải tự chăm sóc con toàn thời gian 100% và phải tránh xa chồng để chồng khỏi mỏi mệt, đàn ông không động bếp núc, đàn ông không chăm được con, rằng tất tần tật các việc lông gà vỏ tỏi abcxyz liên quan đến con đều là của đàn bà. Như thể trứng trong bụng bạn nó có thể tự chín rồi nở ra thành con, mà không có bất cứ một quá trình đóng góp nào từ cha của nó vậy?

Trước khi mình muốn yêu ai, mình đều nói rõ: “Tính em tiểu thư đỏng đảnh khó ăn khó ở”. Bố mẹ em chiều chuộng em quen rồi, em lại kiếm ra tiền, nên bản thân em cũng tự chiều chuộng em tốt lắm. Và vì tự sống một mình đã rất tốt, nên điều em kỳ vọng ở cuộc sống hai mình – tức là với anh – phải là tốt hơn, ít nhất là gấp đôi chứ nhỉ, nếu không thì em lại một mình cho tự do tự tại, yêu đương làm gì cho phí thời gian?

Vì vậy mỗi lần yêu đương mình đều rất thong dong, dù là với ai đi nữa. Mình không phải nhà nữ quyền hay nhà bình đẳng giới, với mình, tình yêu và hôn nhân là trách nhiệm của cả hai người, chứ đừng nói đến đứa con – đó vốn là sự thật quá mức hiển nhiên rồi.

Một người mẹ dù có tài giỏi đến mức nào, cũng không thể thay thế được vị trí bố của con mình, ngược lại cũng thế. Bởi vậy trong quá trình trả lời những câu hỏi về nuôi dạy con, khi những người mẹ than với mình: “Em biết là phải làm thế này, thế kia, thế kia nữa, thì mới là đúng đắn chị ạ, nhưng… Em mệt quá”. Khi mình nói “mệt thì để bố nó làm chứ em?”. Họ thở dài, rồi sau đó, mình cũng thở dài theo.

Nuôi con một mình – khi bố nó hãy còn sống sờ sờ trong chính ngôi nhà ấy – là một trong những nguyên do gây trầm cảm rất lớn ở phụ nữ sau sinh. Khi người mẹ phải vật lộn với hàng chục cơn đau sau khi cơ thể bị đảo lộn mấy vòng để sinh ra một thiên thần nhỏ, họ còn phải nhìn thấy rất nhiều những ngón tay chỉ trỏ vào họ, rằng họ phải nuôi dạy con họ như thế này, như thế kia. Rồi tiếng khóc cáu gắt của con, những giấc ngủ ngắt quãng kéo dài liên tục suốt cả ngày, chỉ mỗi việc cho con ngủ, cho con ăn, tắm giặt đồ cho con cũng đủ khiến họ mệt lừ.

Và như thế, dù cho có khao khát được nuôi con tử tế và khoa học đến như thế nào, những người mẹ đó cũng chẳng thể chống cự nổi sức quyến rũ đến tột cùng của một giấc ngủ. Vì thế mỗi khi có ai đó xuất hiện bất ngờ như một vị cứu tinh, họ sẽ bất chấp tất cả những nếp sinh hoạt, những kiến thức đã học được, dúi vội đứa trẻ cho bà, cho cô dì chị em, để vồn vã nhặt về một giấc ngủ êm đẹp mà không lo con khóc giữa chừng, dù chỉ trong một khoảnh khắc thật ngắn ngủi. Cảm giác đó gọi là lực bất tòng tâm đó.

Và sau những lần vật vã như thế, các chị vẫn tặc lưỡi ngậm ngùi với nhau: “Cái số phụ nữ chúng mình khổ sở thật”. Vì sao? Vì bố chúng nó không bế được con, không biết thay tã cho con, không biết dỗ con, không biết tắm con, không biết chăm sóc cho bà đẻ, không biết cùng vợ mình hợp tác rèn luyện thói quen sinh hoạt tốt cho con. Vì sao vậy? Bố nó què chân hay cụt tay à?
Có người căm phẫn mắng nhiếc đầy cay nghiệt, có người thở dài tủi thân và ngao ngán. Rồi tất cả bọn họ lại quay lưng về thủi lủi một mình chăm sóc cho con mình, lòng thầm mong kiếp sau được sinh ra làm đàn ông chứ đàn bà khổ quá.

Nên khi nói về một người đàn ông gánh vác đỡ đần với vợ việc nhà cửa, con cái, mình thấy rất bình thường, không trầm trồ cũng không choáng ngợp, bởi vì chẳng có cái gì để trầm trồ cả. Nhà của anh, vợ của anh, con của anh mà anh không lo, để thằng hàng xóm qua lo hộ hay sao?

Bởi phụ nữ mong manh và tự cho phép mình sống mòn trong một cuộc đời mỏi mệt, nên họ mới cần những ngày đặc biệt để an ủi tâm hồn mình, để làm tiêu điểm cho họ hướng về trong những tháng ngày sống mòn tiếp theo, cho đến khi một ngày đặc biệt khác lại đến.

Sáng nay có một tin nhắn khiến tôi buồn lắm, sau một hồi kể lể rằng sinh con xong em bơ vơ thế nào, cực nhọc ra sao, em quay sang hỏi tôi chị ơi sao đời em chẳng may mắn tìm được chân ái như chị, sao không có ai yêu em đến say mê cuồng si như chồng chị yêu chị, sao em lại mắc kẹt giữa một tình yêu dở dở ương ương như thế này, bỏ thì thương mà vương thì tội?

Là bởi vì chị đã rứt ruột từ bỏ hết những cái na ná chân ái, mà không yếu đuối đâm đầu vào đó em.

Ngày phụ nữ, kính chúc tất cả phụ nữ chúng ta đều thật là “phụ nữ”, thật là đàn bà, chứ thấy mấy chị em ai cũng muốn làm thánh mẫu, làm siêu nhân, tôi thấy mệt á.

Everyday is my day, no need a woman day to be a woman.

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